C’mon, try not to deplete the world’s water supply this time, I urged myself. Mechanically, I focused my eyes on the shampoo, picked it up, squirted some out, and started lathering. But the monotony and brainless nature of the task naturally caused me to lapse into thought. Deep, Brain-Hemorrhaging Thought. It was my enemy when I couldn't talk about it.
As I let the water soak my already soaked hair, my mind, for no conceivable reason, wondered to Darwinism. Humans, I reasoned, have to commit detestable actions to a certain extent. We have to kill animals and clear forests for energy and sustenance. In the same way, there are certain things we have to sacrifice to live in a structured society. While I detest the application of Social Darwinism to justify the vices of human nature or the committing of atrocities, it is necessary to an extent, I reason with myself. Anyone who refutes the blessings of structured society would likely follow the fate of Chris McCandless, and the hundreds of transcendentalists before him.
I recalled a book that an old English teacher had shown me when I had visited, just a few days ago. A book on the Metaphysics of Pain by a Female Harvard Professor. She was among the first of her kind in a sexist, male-dominated society. Her books – while quite full of jargon, convoluted language, unfitting metaphors, and far-fetched conclusions – were self-evident products that she could survive the harsh, unfeeling society that she was in.
I thought about my current English professor. He had written a couple a books…and maybe it was not an all together coincidence that his second book was coming out in the same year as his promotion….I found this immensely troubling. He was a great professor, but was he falling under the pressure of the institution? No, I reasoned with myself – he is to the heart a knowledge junkie. His very persona is professorial; he was simply meant to teach at university and do everything that being a professor entails. So maybe that’s the key, I thought. All careers have pressures and ramifications – one must just love the tangential tasks that a career demands, as well as the career itself.
Well, this got me thinking about medicine. Doctors face pressure from insurance companies, pharmaceutical industries, and their employers. They perhaps may face the pressure to over diagnose, over-test, and overbook – all at the patient’s expense. However, these tangential tasks demanded of doctors directly contradict the precepts of the Hippocratic Oath: to heal and to care. Are practices that contradict an occupation’s initial purpose harbingers of a system that is broken? The healthcare debates of the past decades would suggest so; then again, nearly half the country is unconvinced of the need for healthcare policy change. Could one develop a mathematical relationship between the amount of contradictory practices and the policy change priority level? Would this objective logic system, if clearly explained, have any impact on public opinion of policy issues?
I picked up the shampoo bottle and was about to squirt some into my hand before I realized I had already done this step. Fearing for my sanity, I shut the water, dried myself, and clothed in lightning speed. I needed to talk to someone. But as I rushed out of the bathroom crazy-eyed and Medusa-haired, I remembered that I was home alone. My family had left to spend the day in Syracuse, whilst I was consigned to my room to complete college applications.
I guiltily assessed my lack of progress on the task. Resigned, I walked to my room, sat down in my chair, and wrote this – I’d much rather have a conversation with you, but for now, this will have to do.
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